It’s not a option anymore.

Me.

Well it’s not all about me.

I realized that I’m always looking for people and things to make my life easier, yet I’m not usually the one to jump out and try to make their lives easier. I love to help people and to make them happy, I always have, but i haven’t been doing much of that. I’ve just been thinking about me.

No wonder I’m so unhappy. I’m not doing something that ACTUALLY MAKES ME HAPPY!

I haven’t been wanting to please other people, I’ve just been wanting the credit and compliments all for me. That’s not even the least bit like me, well at least it never was. And I don’t want it to stay apart of me! Don’t get me wrong. We all love compliments and praise, but it shouldn’t be just because you want them. It’s a compliment. It’s a small gift that someone gives to you when they want to or feel lead to. Just asking for them or trying to take them takes all the meaning and blessing out of it. They are no longer special and don’t have the same effect.

Maybe if I start putting other people before me then I’ll actually become happier myself. Maybe if I start putting people  before me then I can make other people happy. Maybe If I put others first then God will actually have a chance to bless me unexpectedly. If I’m putting myself first, then i’ll miss it because I won’t think it is good enough even if it is exactly what I need.

I made a choice.

I chose to have children, therefore their lives come before mine.

I chose to be married, therefore his life comes before mine.

I choose to be a mother, therefore I must give them my ALL. Not some angry, mad, bitter, depressed women for them to go up with and resent.

I had that in a parent. And I NEVER want to put those kinds of feelings on my children.

My thoughts should be, “What can I do to make my children’s life better, what can I do to make them happy and have an amazing childhood. What kind of memories can I make for them.” “God how do I raise them up to be Yours?”

I’m no longer trying to change myself and be a better person for myself. If i do that, then I have the option to quit and decide I don’t feel like it.

I’m changing myself for my children. They need a mom who is WHOLE. They need me. It’s not that they just want me. They NEED ME! I am there mother, and by golly I’m gonna do everything I can to be what they need!

Period.

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